Class sucked. Though I have experienced 2 new things for the first time in my life.

The first being as I was driving there, I spotted some fresh roadkill about 50 ft in front of me. It was lying on a path directly in front of my right tread. At first I thought, hey, I'll swerve to the inside to avoid it, let it go right under the car. So I started to do that and I saw a car coming from behind in the next lane. Bad idea. So quickly swerving back to the other side, to get the carcass on the outside before I pass it. Unfortunately I was going too fast and I ended up clipping it. Not like directly rolled over that leaves a nice treadmark like you see in the cartoons. Somebody else had already done that. I ended up running over one of the fluffy nubs on the side that hadn't yet been flattened and compressed. I think I made solid contact with at least half of the body. There was a sickening squish as the tire passed, kinda like going over a soft speed bump.That left a nice taste in my mouth.

Number two, not as gross, but since it's my first time kinda scary. So driving back home in the fast lane goin about 80, listening to loud trance music, singing to words all pumped up, glad to be finished. Next thing I know the car in front of me puts on the brakes. I see the red lights come on so I take my foot off the gas and ease it onto the break. Not slowing fast enough. Press a little harder. All of a sudden I'm like about 30 ft behind and still going at a good pace. More pressure on the brake. And the closer I get, the harder I press, till I feel the tires lock up and I'm skidding. And when you're skidding, it doesn't matter how hard you press the brake anymore, it doesn't provide any extra stopping power. So my future (not my entire life as it's usually told to be) flashes before my eyes. I see myself crashing into the car in front, and then a split second later, the car behind me has the same interia problem I had, and rams into me, trapping me between the seat and the steering column. I have to be extricated from the car using the jaws of life, and I spend two months bedridden in the hospital, with three broken ribs, shattered jaw, a punctured lung and four compound fractures to both my femurs. And having no health insurance, the medical bills are tremendous, and I can't afford any type of physical therapy or rehabilitation.

The vision kinda trails off after that, with an image of my soul being tortured and burned to a crisp, or something along those lines. Fortunately, the brakes( and new tires) work as they are meant to and I end up about 3 feet behind from where I imagined. I quickly look up at my rearview mirror and see the glare of headlights shining up from about 200 feet away. A second later, I see a cloud of translucent white smoke come up from behind enveloping the car. As I think at how hard I must've braked to create such a big cloud, I smell the acrid odour of burnt rubber from the tires kissing the asphalt. For a second I just freeze and take in all of what just happened. I take a deep breath and I relax. Then ever so slowly, I reach down and feel along the inseam of my jeans. Whew. Dry.

Great. I get the benefits of a hangover without the drawbacks of actually having done any drinking. Raise your hand if you feel like shit..........(raises hand). I know there's a lesson to be learned around here somewhere......

I can't believe I'm still not asleep yet. My studying is shot to hell. And I get to wake up in 4 hrs to teach. At least I revised the page design. I have mrfilipno to thank for the new comment host, that I 'foound' on his site. It's got added features from the old one, which doesn't even show up 1/2 the time. Also added the archives. Good nite dammit.

Update. The lady called me about that Sam Goody job at the mall. Seems like I got it. She said sorry, but won't be able to offer me $10/hr, only $7.50. I didn't know whether I should jump up for joy or kill myself. In actuality I did neither, and asked her to give me as many hours as possible, since it was only a seasonal job for the holiday season. At least it's not minimum wage.

I think I'm classified as an independant, so maybe I'm eligible for welfare or something. As promising as that sounds, that would mean less funds for less-fortunate people, right? And I'm hardly suffering any of the hardships of those living below the poverty line thought my lack of income shows otherwise. Collecting unemployment is a more likely possiblity, but I think you have to be working non-stop, for at least a year for benefits to take effect. In other words, I thank the 'higher power' for the alms in this time of crisis.

Here's a forward I got from Al, describing exactly how I feel. The author encapsulates the feeling so well, it's scary. Empathize with me. And feel free to copy/paste/forward to whoever......

" Being Twenty-Something........."

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop
going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many
things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You
start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or
two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those
friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the
greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost
touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't
recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really
cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as
you.

You look at your job...and it is not even close to what you thought
you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and
realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and
that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing
and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you
realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are
constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and
what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh
and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and
scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and
cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past
is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do
but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do
such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't
meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or
maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure
out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad
person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and
talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot
seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for
yourself.....and while winning the race would be great, right now
you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to
it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as
hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Send this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it will help
someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of
confusion.........

It's fun to mess with search engines. Farking cool. My name came up first on a google search. Well not 'first-first', but they're both me. I sure feel special. But then again, the name is pretty obscure. Maybe I'll try to get listed with other uncommon references like Cerebral fluid drips on my keyboard.

Question : Do I have anything better to do?
Answer : Yes.
Rebuttal : Am I going to play search-engine games anyway?
Rebuttal Answer : Yes.
Re-rebuttal : What's wrong with you? Don't you have a life??!?!?
Counterclaim : errr......raaaaaahhhh.........(silence)........(typing on keyboard)......

Blah blah blah blah blah. I was watching the history channel today about cattle ranchers and they said that they measure the testicles of the bulls when they are 1 year old, and if their cajones don't hang more than 30 cm, they get castrated and are sent down the road to become two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. This is because the size of the testicles are directly correlated to the amount of semen production for sale to other breeders. If you are one these under-endowed chosen, when they have finally fattened you up and sent you to the slaughterhouse, the method of death is a steel bolt shot through your skull.

I have come to a few conclusions.

1. If I get reincarnated as cattle, I hope I live in India.
2. If I get reincarnated as cattle, and it's not in India, I hope I have testes that drag on the floor.
3. I always thought the meat I ate was from the 'cows', not the bulls. Which solves the mystery of what they do with all the males....
4. I am going to swear off beef for the rest of the day. Or until my next meal, whichever comes first.

I'm not very healthy. I think I've lost about 7 lbs in the past month. Perhaps I should eat more and do less appetite-supressing activities.


Grocery List...



Damn I'm a smart shopper. FoodMax rulez.....er....

Update - Stop smoking?.......no. But I only have 3 smokes left in the pack, so maybe it ends there. Caffeine hiatus? For a day perhaps, but seeing as how I'm tired and it's only 8, and I need to studydudy tonite.....a pickmeup is probably in order. Saw the Leonid meteor shower the other night. It was cool for what it was. Apparently there's a lot of light pollution and it blocked out most of them. But there were a few that I wished on. The coolest feeling while standing alone in the backyard craning my neck up at the sky is knowing that at the exact same time, there's thousands of other kids that stayed up till 2:30 looking up at the same sky. Reminds me of that movie American Tale where Feivel sings that song Somewhere Out There and they're both looking up at the sky.

Jobwise, the bank project meeting has been postponed till Monday. Good I guess, gives me more time to prepare for it. Must figure out how to sell my self and look/act like I know what I'm doing rather than some wet-behind-the-ears noob. The flash project is still on hold, waiting for comments, though I've made a few offshoots using the same code. Getting some practice I guess. Exam next week, and I'm 2 months behind in the reading. Not to mention I still have 5/5 programs to do from the beginning of the year.

Had a job interview for Sam Goody at the mall today. Hopefully I can get this 'job'. Pays whatever, just need the cash for all the bills that are slowly but surely stacking higher and higher. Car insurance is farking expensive. It's a seasonal job, so may work out for the best and I can do full time school in Jan. Actually I should start looking for a Jan job right now, considering how much time it takes me to actually find one......crap.

On a side note, I miss funktion. They seem like they're having shmitloads of fun. Maybe I'll go visit in the spring.

Drugs of choice

1. I need to stop smoking. Ferrealz. Granted, it has it's good points. It's relaxing, it gives me something to do during a break, and it seems to make me more alert when I'm feeling tired. The last point though, could also be attributed to the fact that I'm walking around and moving more than just my eyes and fingers. And the drawbacks? Hmm, let me count the ways..... The immmediate points at least - Smells bad. Stains teeth. Costs money. Kills brain cells. Addictive. Decreases lung capacity. Kills your throat. Causes cancer. And then there's the question of what's in them. I need to print out the list and staple it to my pack of smokes. So then why don't/can't I stop? Hmmmm....I remember the last time I decided to quit. After realizing I couldn't run a block without wheezing, I told myself no more. Then u have just one, since you're out and about, and it goes downhill from there. Ok after this pack I'll stop buying anymore. Save some money for a trip to the Midwest.

2. I also need to stop the caffeine binge. All it does is make me jittery and I gotta go to the bathroom a lot.And too much makes you naseous. But again it does have its good point(s). Like smoking, I'm more awake, but also like smoking, it will get addictive. Oh yeah, and the more you do, the more u need later. And then there's the crash. I think I'm about to crash. Not good.

So what are my alternatives? Lots of sleep? Healthy eating? Exercise? Strong religious belief? Yes, but all that takes effort. More effort than I can muster at this time. When I get my job/school/heart/life sorted out, perhaps then I'll be able to "enjoy the good life." Till then, pass the lighter and start another pot, cuz I got lots of work to do.

Today is an auspicious day. For starters, the reminder on my Palm told me that today, had we still been together, would have been the 2 yr mark for our relationship. I totally would not have noticed had it not been for the reminder. Damn. But I feel good today. Jeremy said that he might have a hookup on a flash job at the bank. Things may be on the up and up. I guess this is the part where I need to 'catch the wave'. My wetsuit is on, and I got my board in hand. Just don't fall asleep or get distracted by the buxom brunette playing volleyball. This is your chance. Don't screw it up. I'm supposed to create something along these lines. Simple.

Thunder......thunder.......Thundercats...... Hoooooo !!!

Whassup my dawg. "My dawg" referring to myself who I haven't written to in what 3 weeks? So before I whip myself for not keeping myself updated, this is what's been going on. Talked to Joyce after a month of trying to ignore her and get over her. Hmm...didn't work. Since it was her bday, it gave me a good reason/excuse to call her. In her drunken stupor, she says how much she misses me and still loves me. Then things get ugly and she brings up the 'past' with Cat. So I remember again why we broke up. I need a new start. Joyce was amazing, but now, without the love shroud over my eyes, I can see that we had too many differences/issues that would never let us be happy together. So as time heals all wounds, it shall heal mine.

On a happier note, I saw Harry Potter 2. 3 hours long it was. Damn. But quite good, if you've read the book. Follows it quite close.

And finally talked to AD today. After what 5 yrs maybe? Damn. She is a very cool girl. I miss talking to her, we had such nice 'convos' (i think that's what she useta call it?) Yp, it's time to start reevaluating things. She said something quite interesting. Something I will prolly work into my vocab as a sort of catchphrase/idea of sorts -

When you don't know who are your real friends and who are only your acquaintances, you only need to follow a simple rule of thumb. I shall call it the wedding rule. It goes as follows :

You ask yourself, if I were to get married right now, of the people you would invite, who do you know would for sure be coming to your wedding?

Though it sounds dumb, when you try it out, it actually has a lot of merit. I can only think of 2 or 3 ppl at the moment, which is just a tiny percentage of people I consider 'good' friends, and an infintessimal percentage of those I consider just friends or acquaintances. But those 2 or 3 persons, I know would be there for me whether it be my wedding or my funeral. It makes me feel content to know there are people(beyond blood ties of course) that I can trust beyond a shadow of a doubt to be there for me no matter what. And the amazing thing is, these people I don't even talk to all that much. Once a week. Once a month, if even that. But I know when we do talk, there's an unbroken bond that has not weakened from our time apart. How many 'friends' can I say that is true with? Not many. Time changes most of my good friends to just plain old acquaintances. Glad to have met those special ones.