Through my keen lack of foresight, and also as a testament to my academic acuity, I just found out today that we have a pop exam in two days. Not a quiz, mind you, but an exam. Technically, the 'pop' classification is only relevant for me because the rest of the class knew it was coming. Most likely because the attend class regularly. Had I been the prodigal student, I would have been ready for it the first week of school. This is a test. This is only a test. I only have five hundred other things I need to get done on Wednesday as well, so what's another exam? I keep telling myself that if it doesn't kill me it makes me stronger, but if I don't ace this test, it will be the life of me.

Sometimes I think that I am devolving. All the things I learned in school is no help at all with my studying habits today. It's as if the student portion of my being was sloughed off right after I graduated like the layers of epidermis on a second-degree burn victim at the ICU. And it will never heal. Without laying blame on the increase in responsibilities that goes along with getting older( which can be simply summed up as 'paying the bills') I feel that there is a simple, albeit unattainable, solution.

The answer is based on the the old world invention known as a chastity belt. I need to find a mental version that keeps my mind in check and doesn't let it focus off the task at hand.

I remember in first and second grade, every semester, the teachers wrote the same things on my report card. "Jason has a lot of potential, but he is a daydreamer." It's not even been two decades and already my life is coming around full circle. Perhaps the circle could also hark a new beginning? I need horse blinders or a perscription to Ritalin. I have no doubt that I suffer from a documentable illness that borders on (in descending order of severity) ADHD, OCD, mood swings and multiple personality all at the same time.

oops. she does it again. gah, i'm so attracted to that girl. after having another drink with her after work and finding out that she's more than just a very pretty face, she has substance. currently though, her abundance of male suitors, as well as her current beau, precludes me from any chance i have to take in that direction lest i cross that not-so-fine line between friend and fiend. i enjoy the fact that we can be comfortable with each other, both fully conscious and aware that there exists a mutual attraction. An attraction that, unfortunately, is just that; a flirtatious exchange of glances and compliments, that can't lead to anywhere but a mild sexual frustration at the night's conclusion.

again, maybe a large part of the reason i am drawn to her is the fact that i can't have her. it's the old adage of grass being greener on the other side. i know that since she is, at this moment, unavailable, there is no pressure to impress, no reason to sweat, and whatever I say doesn't affect at all the chances that I have with her. The cadence of my conversations have little bearing and I can say whatever strikes my fancy, knowing full well that some of it will be misinterpreted and may surprise or offend.

I reason with myself that I am already fully engaged with other, more important things, to occupy my time and thus should have no need or want for another distraction(in this case, of the feminine variety) to jockey for the few hours I have left in the day. But alas, the carnal animal in me still pines for the company and intimacy that nothing but another individual brings into the picture. I am still an ape, and still somewhat of a social creature.

I regret the one mistake I made when I told her to start up a blog, and that was that not only did I point her in the direction of xanga.com, but inadvertently gave her this blog address as well. Ideally, she will have lost the address to this blog, and i will still have a safe bastion to write about people who will never realize how i think of them. realistically though.........hi L, see you at work.